Bad Snake BAD

Unless you're looking to match a particularly hideous bridesmaid dress, this is a HORRIBLE thing to do to snakeskin. Or to anything really. I think I last saw all of these unappealing colors together was on the sidewalk the after I binge drank a ton of different drinks. And that was my bachelorette party - I was drinking anything anyone handed to me. (Don't even bring up the chocolate martini again.) But these Kate Spade Remy Wedges are just an abomination in the name of shoes. Especially at $325.

First Date Wear

Hmm, definite attitude and defense all wrapped up in one little package. Wear these and you’ll say, “come close, but not too close or I shall perforate you.” However, I would be a bit worried that I would stumble and poke holes in myself. But then I don’t usually wear visible weapons like these Koolhaus Ribbed Mary Jane pumps by Ruthie Davis for $645.

Sweaters for your feet

Now normally, sweaters for your feet would make me think of slippers, or warm fuzzy socks...things you should wear INDOORS, not this.



The sweater trim at the top is fine, if you wear it underneath your jeans it will be all cozy. And if you wear your boots over your jeans it won't get any wetter than the rest of your clothes. However, WHY the sweater trim at the bottom of the boot - and don't give me any designer dribble about drawing the boot into a cohesive whole. Boots like this are for rainy days. And rainy days mean mud and muck. All of that mud, street oil, and things that I really don't want to think about are going to end up on that sweater bit and it is going to get just disgusting.

These boots are made for walking, but unless you're just walking indoors....

APEPAZZA $294.95

Tie Me Up, Tie Me Down

Apparently my local supermarket isn't the only place getting ready for Halloween early. These Frankenstein-like Triple Lace Up Boots from Ann Demeulemeester will not only set you back $1795 but they'll give anyone with OCD fits making sure all of the laces are even. Don't worry, once you have the laces set you can use the zipper to get in and out of the boots making all THREE sets of laces completely irrelevant.

Really, why am I picturing a set of googlely eyes on the toes every time I see these?

The Shoe That Came In From The Cold

Shhhh, don't tell my husband, but I am completely head over heels for these shoes. Hopefully, he's going to like them on me, because there is no getting around the fact that I am GETTING these shoes.
Those metal heels are like something a spy would wear. A completely kick-ass girl spy...well, a completely unsubtle kick-ass girl spy. But who wants to blend in ALL of the time.

These croc-print leather booties with metal spiked heels are available from Donald J Pliner for $395. On the plus side his shoes are usually very comfortable. So I'll keep you posted on that. Let me know if you think I've gone out of my fashion-luvin' mind.

Memoirs of a Geshia

Hmm Stella you are indeed creative, but I really don't want to learn how to walk all over again. And these remind me terribly of platformed shoes that Geshias would wear in order to keep their shoes and silks safe from the mud. I'm all for extra height, and USUALLY wedges give me some extra stability, but these Stella McCartney Wooden Wedge Pumps for $1,145 look like they're simply one step away from an ankle x-ray at the emergency room for me.

Say YES to fat feet!

And grab yourself a pair of Chloe's Odissea Ankle Boots - or the new Shoe Bootie as I'm not so affectionately calling them. Most of us do NOT want to draw attention to our feet. And we really don't want to make them look BIGGER than they actually are. If we did we could wear clown shoes. Perhaps that's coming for Spring.

But if you want these snatch them up for only $775

I quite like these though,

These embellished stilletos were paired with the Les Chiffoniers PCV pants shown earlier. Overkill and so sad for these beautiful shoes. But can you tell that I spent my formative years in the '80s?

Shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti $795